Unhealthy relationships have continued to exist despite the fact that we have always tried to avoid the path. Nobody wants an unhealthy relationship and sometimes I find it hard to know why they do exist since nobody has ever willingly decided to be part of an unhealthy relationship.
So what might make a good relationship to go bad? What are the makers of an unhealthy relationship?
To begin with most unhealthy relationships have been fueled by various stereotypes; there are stereotypes that we associate ourselves with that will make it hard for us to view our partners as equals in a relationship. There are patriarchal societies that view women as objects that were meant to be there to serve men, therefore exposing our ladies to inhuman treatment as they are viewed as second class beings. In such a relationship where one partner dominates and the other is the subject of the latter’s decisions it becomes very easy for the seeds of unhealthy relationship to sprout.
Unhealthy relationships are characterized by abuse. The victims suffer lose of morale and self esteem, they may also find it very difficult to initiate another relationship in case they eventually break off the chain.
It would be a lie if I said that women are the only victims of unhealthy relationships, Men have also got much more than their fair share of unhealthy relationships. To make a relationship work you need no muscles unfortunately that’s what most men bring to the game. Husband battery is a proof that men are also victimized in relationships. Some women also lack respect and fail to treat their men with dignity therefore provoking their ego; this is very common in families where women are the breadwinners.
Poor communication between partners also creates unhealthy relationship. So understanding between the partners is paramount for healthy relationships to thrive between partners.
No double coincidence
I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, we were trying to find some valid reasons why relationships are becoming quite impossible these days, I love the way her mind works she has a hundred and one reasons to why these days spouses are not glued to each other as it used to be in the past, funnily of all her 101 suggestions only one was valid, at least according to me. she opined that these days women are empowered beings who cannot afford to serve men with such loyalty as our grandmothers did to our grandfathers, they are not as submissive as our mothers were and that is not very healthy to a man’s ego. Provoking a man’s ego is much worse than killing a mosquito that has landed on his balls and therefore he will look for another woman who hopefully will be more ‘caring’ and that woman will be a bond breaker. I believe the biggest problem is that there is rarely a double coincidence, where you love someone and she loves you equally, in most cases one partner will love the other so much to an extent of giving up their carrier for the sake of their lovers but the other party may not even be concerned about matters relationship.
I was not prepared to write about Hon. Gerald Otieno Kajwang, I do not know much about him but I am not pleased with all a hear certain misguided people speak. As far as I know Kajwang’ he is a fighter, yeah fighting for what we really deserved especially here in Nyanza where Luo’s are only considered for secondary roles and never the leading men. You and I know that were it not for the many NGOs that operate in Nyanza unemployment could be gross in this part of the country since the government has never offered us much in the employment sector. Today Kenya has too many degrees than it really needs but where are the jobs, where are the locks, it seems we have too many keys for doors that are kept aside for certain people: those who own Kenya. Equality is a war that we all need to fight and when I hear mapambano it reminds me that there are still lots to be fought for to be made right and so it isn’t really wrong when Kajwang departs from this Godforsaken Country and leaves us the mantra as reminiscence. I read an opinion of another goon on Facebook and I couldn’t stop thinking why some abortions had to fail. Some people really reason like remnants of a failed abortion! This guy wrote some really nasty things about our departed friend whom according to me is more of a Hero than Jomo Kenyatta even if all he ever did was to sing mapambano, mapambano. At least we won’t remember him for being a political assassin like most people we call heroes are.
Some people are quick to point fingers, that isn’t really my problem, my biggest problem is that we speak when we ought to listen but shut our beaks when we ought to speak. So who speaks when the entire armed forces have become a tribal ball court and who speaks when the poor are made landless by the so called waheshimiwa. Before you open your mouth to speak of other people’s weaknesses, show us your achievements first; what have you done for Kenya? Your tongue is a very powerful ammunition save it for a worthy course.
BOY: Do you have a boyfriend? GIRL: Nope, i don’t have one. BOY: Gen 2:18 “The lord God said, it is not
good for a man to be alone, i will make a helper suitable for him GIRL: “But i don’t love you BOY: 1 John 4:8 whoever does not love,does
not know God, because God is love. GIRL: & how do i know you mean those words? BOY: Mathew 12:34 for out of the abundance
of the hearth mouth speaks. GIRL: but how can i be sure that you’re loyal&
honest? BOY Mark 13:31 “heaven & earth will pass
away but my words will never pass away GIRL: But why me? There are a lot of girls out there BOY: Proverbs 31:29 “Many women do noble
things, but you surpass them all. GIRL: But what is in me that you like? BOY: Song of Solomon 4:7 “you are altogether
beautiful, my darling there is no flaw in you” GIRL: But I’m not all that beautiful you’re
exaggerating BOY: Proverbs 31:30 “charm is deceptive, and
beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised GIRL: What happens if i say yes. BOY: Genesis 2:24 “Therefore man shall leave
his father and his mother & they shall become one flesh GIRL: How come you know the scriptures this much BOY:Joshua 1;8 This book of law shall not
depart from your mouth but you shall meditate
on it day & night so that you may be careful to
do all that is written in it. For then you make
your way prosperous and you will have good
success” GIRL: Wow, I can see you really love God BOY: Psalm 34:8 oh, taste and see that lord is
good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in
him. GIRL: mmm. Ok please give time to think about it BOY: Philipians 4:8 “finally brethren, whatever is
true, whatever honorable, whatever is just,
whatever is commendable, if there is any
excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise
think about this thing GIRL: oh I love you already BOY: Revelation 22:21 “Amen”
There are some issues that I do not even feel comfortable writing about, I mean how do I begin writing about nudity? To be honest I have always thought of nudity as a synonym to bedroom. Yeah, it’s synonymous to bedroom or so it ought to be. Women have taken their right to dress what they want too far: exposing as much as they can get away with which has rubbed our touts the wrong way.
There is something that every woman should keep in her mind whenever she is choosing what to dress lest the hashtag #Mydressmychoice will become too harsh on them. Men have testosterone hormones that will surge whenever too much is exposed by women and that has contributed to a number of rape cases in our countries. In Kenyan Schools they never teach life skills like how to suppress testosterone in case a woman exposes too much and so most of them have developed very crude ways of dealing with ‘indecently’ dressed women: stripping them naked. The touts are the champions of this movement and the whole country is now busy debating on whether what Embassava touts did is worth it, is it the best remedy? I don’t think so.
I am not in support of #Mydressmychoice thing but I know that stripping a woman naked because she has dressed in a sexually stimulating manner is not the best option. It should not even be thought of as an option because honestly it will never work. Why are we so concerned about small things that affect us the least? And why are we using double standards in our bid to uphold African culture and restore decency in our dressing styles? I am an artist and I tell you that most of our top male artists shag their trousers until their bruised buttocks are exposed and nobody cares, why can’t they be stripped? Why do we strip women only? I know the answer, this is simply because they are defenseless and will only rely on sympathy of the touts unlike men who can through blows and kicks in defense.
Secondly, Nairobi is a place where a robber will order you to give him your phone Maliza ulete so they say, you will give him the phone and walk away in broad day light under the very eyes of the self-proclaimed African culture loyalists in the name of touts-Some of them are thieves, they nearly robbed me at Machakos buspark. Why can’t they deal with the robbers the same way they deal with our ‘indecently’ dressed ladies? To make matters worse there is no set standard of dressing in Kenya therefore what I might term as indecent may not be indecent to you.
#Nudityisntmychoice but we need to appreciate that we have different tastes in everything we do and like some wise men once said, a one man’s meat may be another man’s poison. We should find other avenues of dealing with this problem since when you strip a woman naked, you are not only encroaching her rights but also stripping her dignity and ripping her individuality apart. keep in mind we have sisters and mothers who dress the same way and we will be least pleased to have them accorded the same treatment.
Healthy relationship is vital for spouses to enjoy the lifetime of their relationship. Healthy relationship is a dream for many people and everybody wants to enjoy a relationship that is free from abuse of any kind. This goal has remained just that, a goal for many couples who have spent the rest of their lives in pursuit of a fulfilling relationship. The ingredient of a healthy relationship includes the following values among others:
Tolerance- Partners need to be tolerant and exercise lots of patience with each other. It’s obvious that the partners’ interest may conflict and it take lots of patience to enable a compromise be reached and differences solved amicably. With diverse backgrounds that spouses may come from, tolerance is needed to build a healthy relationship.
Trust- The need for trust in a relationship can never be underestimated, this implies that the couples have confidence that their partners are trustworthy hence no need to be suspicious about their undertakings. However building unwavering trust is one of the most difficult aspects of a healthy relationship. In relationships where there is trust there exists a peaceful coexistence between the partners as the most provoking questions like where were you? With who? Doing what? Are not asked. It also hard to betray such trust as the emotional baggage may be too much to bear.
Respect- couples need to nurture respect between themselves to have a healthy relationship. Most relationship that lack respect is frequented by abuse that leaves the victims in great torment. Wife/husband battery are some of the results when respect lacks in a relationship.
I didn’t even want to post this but the renegade in me, this stubborn quest to know all about everything could not let me rest. The question of my origin is still not answered and so shouldn’t I keep asking?
The origin of man has remained one of the most controversial topics that humans interact with. The more you try to understand it the more confusing it becomes. This is not my problem though, my faith has given me a sign and I know that God created the world and everything in it and his presence is evident in everything he created. That said all the accounts of creation do not explain why we have different colors. I know that we owe our origin to Adam and by extension to Eve, and Adam was created out of dust (we are not told whether it was loam, clay or a collabo of both).
I am not very good at reading the bible but I have studied the bible long enough to have met a verse that spoke of color of man- why we have different colors. I also know that the Israelites who were God’s chosen people were grouped in twelve tribes, we are again not told whether some of the tribesmen were molded out of clay or loam.
The evolution theory of creation is one of the creation theories that I will never approve of. For one if man originated from apes, why do we still have apes, why haven’t they evolved to human beings? The pioneer of the creation theory; Charles Darwin did nothing to explain why we have different colors and so the question of loam or clay is still not addressed. What is funny is that some people who if all of us were made from soil then they were made from clay do not want to be clay products- they want to be of loam. I don’t think they are to blame when history knows that ‘claymen’ had been useful all for the wrong reasons. They were traded like kolanuts as slaves, they were the first to be suspected of crime in the USA (I hope this has changed) and their continent is considered the Dark Continent. Who would love to be associated with that? Ironically, the loam products once left their continent and fought for the Dark Continent against themselves. Which is better loam or clay? My guess is they are all equal or at least they should be. If anybody understands this issue better than I do please enlighten me.
It’s been long since I saw a woman worth putting pens to paper for, a woman worth every stain the pen leaves on a paper as it glides on it in the name of ink. I am talking beauty. Not beauty potentiated by unnecessary meat exposed and lips stained with cheap lipstick. Not beauty achieved by doctored boobs and hips pumped with myriad injections of silicon. Neither Am I talking of beauty sandwiched between multiple clothing of behind nor beauty trapped on ears burdened with heavy metals in the name of jewelry. I am talking raw beauty.
I had just come from a meeting, no a debate that was successful despite disappointing absence of the expected attendees. The dusty road had got the better of me as I had to trek from Kariobangi to roundabout to catch a mathree to my hood. In my hoodie and timberland avunjas the dusty road was the least of my worries. But still that wasn’t what I thought of as cool, the dusty road was not appealing but the constant harassment by the touts who operate Makadara bound matatus was worse. These people have no respect; they are goons to be exact. They are very touchy. They will not only touch you but will literally pull you away in a bid to convince you to board their vehicle. It wasn’t funny seeing a woman old enough to be my grandmother almost getting ripped apart by these nincompoops. They treat people like items of trade; some avocado on a groceries shop and all may get out of hand if the ‘item of trade’ is a young woman laced with ounces of beauty. They love everything sumptuous. such a woman will have to put up with two things, the uncalled for body pressing in the most treasured parts and the sickening sight of chocolate ads in the name of teeth, how they smell mfff! I wonder why they always bring their mouths closer to your nose in conversations.
After few confrontations by the touts I manage to free myself but they are philanthropic enough to lend me mouthfuls of insults as my entourage. The trails of insults kept following me as if they sensed I had insult receptors at my kisogo that they could attach themselves on. At some instant I felt my stomach churn in rage and I was tempted to turn back and glue their lips with one ushi mawash. It’s been long since I did practical martial art lessons. I plan to die with all of me in one piece, having myself castrated in Kamiti maximum prison for killing a mannerless tout is a thought that should never materialize. It would even be worse to be hanged for the same. I want to die of obesity someday. I said obesity and nothing slim. Not even malaria should come between me and that dream. Nyaka atho ka achwe githuon. Donge?
The 15 minute walk left me exhausted but I was just in time to catch a D bound mathree. I got in and secured a seat closer to the window. Just then a woman got in. what a creature! She had it all, a beauty that could not be hidden even by the thick dust that laced her feet. What would such a beautiful lady be doing in rounda? Her eyes were floating on melted vanilla flavored ice cream and for once I thought if she ever cried, her tears would be wild honey. Some people sit and sleep on gold and still mine it in other people’s minefields for meager pay. I bet she can live on her tears alone. I do not know much about fashion but I would tell you that her full dress fitted her perfectly. She was divine. Yes so divine and the calmness that ensued in the matatu after her entry was the silent whispers of her serenity. Wait a minute does she want to sit next to me? Yeah your guess was right!
For the first two minutes I kept silent wondering if I was too brief with my answer when she said hi to me. And the hand why did I let go of it so quick? Such are the hands that every normal man would wish to hold on long enough to emit sweat. Yes sticky sweat of seduction. But I did otherwise something wasn’t just right. I turn to face her only to find her holding a bible, reading something in the book of Ecclesiastes. such a beauty in a matatu reading a bible- the book of Ecclesiastes to be precise is not my definition of mere passenger, Maybe an angel hiding in the beauty of porcelain skin and contrasting dusty feet. Somebody teach me how you tell an angel ‘your beautiful’ without making it sound like a cliché that it has already become to her. Maybe I will find the strength to tell her that next time we meet. She better be reading the Songs of Solomon then, I wouldn’t hesitate to make her my Song. Yeah you heard me right my Song at all costs.
When power leads man toward arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations. When power narrows the area of man's concern, poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of existence. When power corrupts, poetry cleanses... We must never forget that art is not a form of propaganda; it is a form of truth. — John F. Kennedy