Nostalgia

I have been sitting here listening to everything in general but nothing in particular; cypher of morning birds, chit-chatter of women downstairs and innocent giggles of babies but none of these has helped me in quelling the inferno inside of me. There’s something missing that I really need to complete this equation, something surreal, something gentle, I can feel the need erupting like a volcano inside the deepest part of me, the feeling of coldness, and the gentle touch of fragile fingers and soft prickles of nails on my back. Restrained appetites to indulge, to swim freely into the seas of mutual satisfaction, I relive every moment we spent with gist of longing. That night wasn’t to be in the first place but it’s the most memorable night I have had in the past two years, the floor was cold, the night was icy, we wrapped ourselves in a duvet but still my teeth rattled. The thought of what would unfold or not unfold got my skin fold in goose bumps.
You held me, I squeezed you. I teased you and you cried. You told me you don’t have good memories of such intimate gestures. I wiped your tears with the back of my hands, vexed that I was cleaning a mess some fucker created but melancholy knows no man, I felt the sexual rush being replaced by a sense of gentleness and vulnerability that I have never felt before any woman, my tears dropped on the tip of your nose and that did nothing to stop yours. You held me closer, tightened the hold and then kissed me deeply like my lips would erase all the misdeeds of the fucker you mistakenly took for a lover. I watched as a night of romance was turning into a bereavement therapy. Even as your eyes flooded with tears and crow’s feet formed beneath them, your beauty was unperturbed; you still shone.
I carried you to your bed and laid you to rest as I questioned the degree of immorality it would be to sleep with an emotionally burdened. Would that be taking advantage of the situation? Yes, we slept but we never sampled fruits of nature until the magic phrase ‘I need you in but am afraid’ surfaced at about 5:30 am. I peeled your clothes, you peeled mine. We were naked and it felt like paradise, naked seemed everything unlike what Adam could want to hide from. We crossed the border. My thoughts are still anchored to the events of that night and for the first time in four good years I feel like I’m missing someone; someone who reminded me what it felt like to be in love again after years of picking pieces of broken heart.

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