Category Archives: dressing

It Takes Smelly Feet and Carpeted Floor to Spoil a Party

It takes two to tangle. I read this phrase somewhere but it only surfaced as I sat on the opposite side of the table licking my bottle of sprite that I wasn’t enjoying anymore. Everything was in place and the party was about to be enlisted as one of the few house parties I have ever enjoyed. This was a graduation party, need I say I didn’t even know the graduate? I was here exploiting the few privileges of being a friend of Alal. I had left my place to visit him. He had just jetted in Nairobi from Kitui. After sharing pleasantries and a plate of beef stew he unleashed our next move which was to attend this party, what was I to do? Push aside my only ticket to enjoying free sumptuous meals and drinks…and music? I stood up my phone in my right palm and left for the door, he followed closely behind; talk of the shepherd being taken to the fields by the very sheep he intends to feed.
The house was already full by the time we got in but no worry there was lots to be eaten and to be drank and the way they pamper you with karibu karibu, chasing these kids to leave the seats empty for guests (I was a guest?) not really. I was more of a stranger. Impatiently waiting for them to pass me some warm water, clean my sweaty palms and stick my robust fingers into the mouth-watering delicacies that filled the dining table. I didn’t have to be told to come to the realization that the cook must have been hired from Utalii College. The dishes spoke on her behalf. The way they fry red meat until it turns brown and what spices do they add to it to make it that tender? Yawa jamaneni this cook was the only genuine graduate here! I bet the day my wife learns to cook half as delicious meals as she does, I will buy very heavy curtains and have them tied to my windows so that not a speck of aroma would escape to my neighbors failure to which my house will become an eatery generating no profits. Mother Teresa is my heroine but I betray her on this.
Smelly feet
Guys what is damn lethal in washing your socks and keeping them clean? How could this guy come to a party knowing all too well that 80% of houses in Nairobi are carpeted and you’ve got to remove your shoes to get in? This is Nairobi, the capital city of this country why the hell are torn socks suffocating your feet? This guy just stepped in and the air composition changed completely for the worst, you would think some reptile was rotting under the table. I felt an urgent need to leave the party and save my breath…mfffffff…Guys a pair of socks goes for as little as Sh.20 in Gikomba buy 8 pairs and save our parties. Shame! Wait, who still ails from athletes feet? Here is a free medical advice; wash your feet with HOT water (no pain no gain) and then apply GENEROUSLY a cream of CLOZOLE B…problem solved.

Nudity isn’t my Choice but Stripping isn’t an Option

There are some issues that I do not even feel comfortable writing about, I mean how do I begin writing about nudity? To be honest I have always thought of nudity as a synonym to bedroom. Yeah, it’s synonymous to bedroom or so it ought to be. Women have taken their right to dress what they want too far: exposing as much as they can get away with which has rubbed our touts the wrong way.

Testosterone surge

There is something that every woman should keep in her mind whenever she is choosing what to dress lest the hashtag #Mydressmychoice will become too harsh on them. Men have testosterone hormones that will surge whenever too much is exposed by women and that has contributed to a number of rape cases in our countries. In Kenyan Schools they never teach life skills like how to suppress testosterone in case a woman exposes too much and so most of them have developed very crude ways of dealing with ‘indecently’ dressed women: stripping them naked. The touts are the champions of this movement and the whole country is now busy debating on whether what Embassava touts did is worth it, is it the best remedy? I don’t think so.

Misplaced priorities

Nudity isn't my choiceI am not in support of #Mydressmychoice thing but I know that stripping a woman naked because she has dressed in a sexually stimulating manner is not the best option. It should not even be thought of as an option because honestly it will never work. Why are we so concerned about small things that affect us the least? And why are we using double standards in our bid to uphold African culture and restore decency in our dressing styles? I am an artist and I tell you that most of our top male artists shag their trousers until their bruised buttocks are exposed and nobody cares, why can’t they be stripped? Why do we strip women only? I know the answer, this is simply because they are defenseless and will only rely on sympathy of the touts unlike men who can through blows and kicks in defense.

Secondly, Nairobi is a place where a robber will order you to give him your phone Maliza ulete so they say, you will give him the phone and walk away in broad day light under the very eyes of the self-proclaimed African culture loyalists in the name of touts-Some of them are thieves, they nearly robbed me at Machakos buspark. Why can’t they deal with the robbers the same way they deal with our ‘indecently’ dressed ladies? To make matters worse there is no set standard of dressing in Kenya therefore what I might term as indecent may not be indecent to you.

#Nudityisntmychoice but we need to appreciate that we have different tastes in everything we do and like some wise men once said, a one man’s meat may be another man’s poison. We should find other avenues of dealing with this problem since when you strip a woman naked, you are not only encroaching her rights but also stripping her dignity and ripping her individuality apart. keep in mind we have sisters and mothers who dress the same way and we will be least pleased to have them accorded the same treatment.