Category Archives: marriage

Of Battered Men

We’re the ones who welcome
The rising sun with unspoken questions
Should we leave should we stay?
Should we give should we ask?
Should we be grateful?
Should we complain?
Because marriage hasn’t been paradise
And promises became autonyms
Hearts have since grown colder
And lips bolder
They speak what they want
They tell of the mistakes that was
“Having kids was a mistake”
“Marrying you was a mistake”
So she slept on my bed
And drew the boundary
Do not even touch me
You’ll never own me
Coitus?
I’ll have it with men of substance
So I count the many times:
I resisted an attempt to hit her
I mopped her vomit off the floor
I sang lullabies so our children
Wouldn’t see her drunk
I checked my bank account
Just to know if it guaranteed a future
Without her
Now my children know their father is no man at all
Because every night they hear he say so

I Will Marry Because I Need More

It’s lunch time, I am having my plate of Ugali and beef, the soup is as thick as it can possibly be, marinated with coriander among other spices, the aroma can’t get any better. On the floor a paper is spread that captures my attention; it’s the cut-out of the daily nation that Wa Kioi had wrapped my beef in. I’ve got to read it but first it’s time to eat. After reading the article titled: Guys, get a wife if you desire to live longer Published on September 23 in the Daily Nation I am left asking myself; do we marry because we need cooks?

The writer begins with a story about a bachelor who seemingly skipped primary eight science lessons about acids and bases consequentially messing his mixed tea with lemon, as a matter of fact such people exist but it is quite unfair to put the blame on every bachelors shoulder, I mean when will we stop stereotyping? Some bachelors like me are very good cooks. It all depends on how you were brought up. I grew up in the village with my parents, my sisters were in boarding schools and so I did all house chores, today I am the best cook of my siblings, so if people only marry for cooks then I bet I shouldn’t marry.

Reading further, the writer mentions she has a house help and she’s married, meaning I can still marry but my meals be cooked by a house help. What difference does that make? As a bachelor I can still have a house help to cook. That aside, in most houses in the well-to-do families there are house helps who do everything and so even the girls are left as clueless about culinary arts as males. Gender has nothing to do with ability to cook.

As the tittle suggests marriage may help you live longer but it’s a matter of debate and the points the writer put across are hypothetical. She says that many fires are caused by bachelors trying to cook! I’m yet to hear of that in my neighborhood. Why not talk of the fires that break when wives and husbands spit venom at each other, that gas leak caused by irate wife burning the whole family after claims of infidelity?

Marriage is a good thing, holy matrimony and a gift from the creator that should not be gauged against basic metrics like ability to cook. I am 24 and I would like to marry someday but I can’t marry coz I need a cook. I cook my own food and I love my food, whenever I feel tired I eat out. I will marry because I need support in every sphere of my life. I need that shoulder I can lean on when life pounds my spine into pulp, and yes I need good and regular sex. Regular sex is good for health because it releases vital hormones like oxytocin that enables you to love and dopamine the smiley hormone among others. I will marry because I need these. I will employ a cook if I need one.

Respect Your Wife- It’s a Command

A lot of men think they are doing women a favour by asking for her hand in marriage, but lets think about this :

she changes her name,

changes her home,

leaves her family,

moves in with you,

builds a home with you,

gets pregnant for you,

pregnancy changes her body,

She bears the shame of walking with the evidence that she had sexrespect your wife

she gets fat,

almost gives up in the labour room due to the unbearable pains of child birth,

even the kids she delivers bear your name.

Till the day she dies…

everything she does, (cooking, cleaning your house, taking care of your parents,

bringing up your children, earning, advising you, ensuring you can be relaxed, maintaining all family relations, everything that benefit you…..sometimes at the cost of her own health , hobbies and beauty.

so who is really doing whom a favour?

Dear men appreciate the women in your lives always, coz it is not easy to be a woman.

*Being a woman is priceless *;;

Where are we going wrong?

Unhealthy relationships have continued to exist despite the fact that we have always tried to avoid the path. Nobody wants an unhealthy relationship and sometimes I find it hard to know why they do exist since nobody has ever willingly decided to be part of an unhealthy relationship.

So what might make a good relationship to go bad? What are the makers of an unhealthy relationship?

To begin with most unhealthy relationships have been fueled by various stereotypes; there are stereotypes that we associate ourselves with that will make it hard for us to view our partners as equals in a relationship. There are patriarchal societies that view women as objects that were meant to be there to serve men, therefore exposing our ladies to inhuman treatment as they are viewed as second class beings. In such a relationship where one partner dominates and the other is the subject of the latter’s decisions it becomes very easy for the seeds of unhealthy relationship to sprout.

Unhealthy relationships are characterized by abuse. The victims suffer lose of morale and self esteem, they may also find it very difficult to initiate another relationship in case they eventually break off the chain.

It would be a lie if I said that women are the only victims of unhealthy relationships, Men have also got much more than their fair share of unhealthy relationships. To make a relationship work you need no muscles unfortunately that’s what most men bring to the game. Husband battery is a proof that men are also victimized in relationships. Some women also lack respect and fail to treat their men with dignity therefore provoking their ego; this is very common in families where women are the breadwinners.

Poor communication between partners also creates unhealthy relationship. So understanding between the partners is paramount for healthy relationships to thrive between partners.

No double coincidence

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, we were trying to find some valid reasons why relationships are becoming quite impossible these days, I love the way her mind works she has a hundred and one reasons to why these days spouses are not glued to each other as it used to be in the past, funnily of all her 101 suggestions only one was valid, at least according to me. she opined that these days women are empowered beings who cannot afford to serve men with such loyalty as our grandmothers did to our grandfathers, they are not as submissive as our mothers were and that is not very healthy to a man’s ego. Provoking a man’s ego is much worse than killing a mosquito that has landed on his balls and therefore he will look for another woman who hopefully will be more ‘caring’ and that woman will be a bond breaker. I believe the biggest problem is that there is rarely a double coincidence, where you love someone and she loves you equally, in most cases one partner will love the other so much to an extent of giving up their carrier for the sake of their lovers but the other party may not even be concerned about matters relationship.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Healthy relationship is vital for spouses to enjoy the lifetime of their relationship. Healthy relationship is a dream for many people and everybody wants to enjoy a relationship that is free from abuse of any kind. This goal has remained just that, a goal for many couples who have spent the rest of their lives in pursuit of a fulfilling relationship. The ingredient of a healthy relationship includes the following values among others:

Tolerance- Partners need to be tolerant and exercise lots of patience with each other. It’s obvious that the partners’ interest may conflict and it take lots of patience to enable a compromise be reached and differences solved amicably. With diverse backgrounds that spouses may come from, tolerance is needed to build a healthy relationship.

Healthy RelationshipTrust- The need for trust in a relationship can never be underestimated, this implies that the couples have confidence that their partners are trustworthy hence no need to be suspicious about their undertakings. However building unwavering trust is one of the most difficult aspects of a healthy relationship. In relationships where there is trust there exists a peaceful coexistence between the partners as the most provoking questions like where were you? With who? Doing what? Are not asked. It also hard to betray such trust as the emotional baggage may be too much to bear.

Respect- couples need to nurture respect between themselves to have a healthy relationship. Most relationship that lack respect is frequented by abuse that leaves the victims in great torment. Wife/husband battery are some of the results when respect lacks in a relationship.

TAKE MY HAND

As the winds pass through the whistling Cyprus trees,
My heart warms at the mention of your name,
As a Dog loyal to its master I bet I’ll be true to my feelings,
As the heat of the scorching sun gets stronger by the day, so do my love matures.
But wait a minute will you take my hand?
Will you stay when fate conspires with the universe to make life even more unbearable?
Will you ever say ‘I DO’?

Take My Hand
Take My Hand

WHY DO PEOPLE CHEAT IN RELATIONSHIPS?

Every person needs good nutrition to have a good health. Other basic needs that are always given much attention are shelter and clothing but the need for a fulfilling relationship between partners in love can never be underestimated. Every lady needs a caring and loving man for a husband and to be frank such men are not yet endangered species, if you need a caring and loving man I guess you won’t have to look anymore, they are plenty who knows? Maybe your next door neighbor is that type. The problem has always been finding a trustworthy partner. Those who will be able to resist the temptation of drawing water from strange wells and stick to the springs in their own Gardens of Eden even if the water is salty.

Cheating in marriage
Cheating in Relationship

The search for such a partner may take long if at least you are lucky to find one. Really, why do people cheat in relationships? Several factors contribute to the evil habit of cheating in relationships. To begin with, it is good for both partners to know that it takes the two of them to make a relationship work. In case one partner has sacrificed much to a relationship and the other is not willing to reciprocate, he/she will find it necessary to look for someone who will be willing to devote more time and energy to a relationship. Poor communication between spouses also create suspicion that he /she has divided attention and therefore may begin cheating when such slight opportunities knock their doors in pursuit of revenge.

Danger Lurks in Darkness

Danger Lurks in Darkness
Danger Lurks in Darkness

Son, sit down and let these words sink

Deep in between your ears

Get wisdom so long you may live

To overcome all your fears

Son, don’t stay out too long in the night

For in darkness nothing happens right

Lost souls hover, dark angels scavenge

Preying on innocent beings for revenge

Remember you left your wife at home

No blankets, bed sheets torn

Won’t you save her from cold?

Your chest is the only warmth she’s ever known

Son, your child has stopped suckling breasts

You should be home making another baby

And your wife, didn’t you see her shaking her legs?

Late night drinks are for the impotent and the lazy

Son, didn’t you hear the hyenas laugh

And leopards are not friendly to strangers

Your wife has still kept the lights on, come home, come home

You will be safe in her arms

For danger lurks in darkness.