Worms have invaded my mind
Nothing left between my ears
Just here tryna love this hollow husk
But love is evasive
I’ll try living instead
You are a girl who’ll be remembered for soft things;
And most importantly;
Loving the wrong man right
Even on nights that won’t depart
Yearnings that know no gratitude
When love leaves
A peace spring from the floors of my stomach
A gentleness that subdues the restlessness of my heart
Blames for the past, loathe of the present and caution for the future
I hear a small voice, far away
“You belong here”
“You were meant to be here”
“You’re not crippled”
“You’ll live to testify of the glory of submission”
“The wreckage behind is made anew”
“The fire within sparkles with assurance of greater possibilities”
“Your racing heart leaves an indelible track of health, no illness can ever erase that”.
“You have a past, yes, your presence troubles you, yes”
“He who made you, laid a fortress around your heart. It won’t stop beating till your empire is built to completion”
Deep breath in
close your eyes; see the beauty within
See the tranquility within
As within, so without.
Forget about pain and pleasure
Forget about right and wrong
I know no difference
I haven’t had both
It’s like destiny is one hell of a monstrous dictator
Who chains and tortures his subjects
Till they grow numb; to pain or pleasure or affection
I have been here too long
And though it can’t pass for a home
It is all I know
So I’ll write some more
Fastened on anchor and cast in the sea depths
About life in apathy and lungs lifting chests for that gulp of air
About deafness of friends
And blindness of family
About emptiness within
About lies I’ve told to prove I’m just alright
Today I’ll change the script
I’ll write my own
Riddled with bitter truths
For he who needs direction
Must tell of his true destination
I’m broken, Lord, fix me
I’m lost, please find me
I’m worthless, create me anew
I’m lonely, be a friend
Everyday is battle
Every battle is a chance to conquer
We rise to win love
That which we owe ourselves
Self love is what we need; forget acceptance
Find it in dark alleys
Find it in lonely nights
Let it grow big enough to fill your trinity
That no space is left: for suicidal thoughts to roam
For conformity to sprout
For depression to take root
For standards to rate you
Give a little there, give a little here and reserve more love for yourself
For love comes to those who love themselves.
Good Evening Friend👋
My empty-bellied wallet stares at me
My eyes hello back with deeper hollowness
Phones are dead
My uncle says,
I pick my journal
235 dollars in receivables
But no one has a dime
A friend says
You’ll get through it
Faith without action?
Find me in the morgue!
What’s in the kitchen cabinet?
Floor, sugar, ketchup, and salt
Can’t I make tea?
No, no tea leaves!
But hunger still bites
I call someone
She says I’m a spendthrift!
So I boil water
And take a warm bath
I’m clean in my hunger
Papa today I saw him
The man who snatched life me
He’s free papa
And his health is getting better
Papa, he fed on my blood
My virgin blood!
And drank my tears
He owns my flesh
Every inch my breasts grow
My fears swell
Will it arouse them?
Will it tell them I want it?
I saw him, and the memories surfaced
My mind popped open, and worms crawled out
There’s nothing left in this skull
But memories of torture and pain
The smell won’t let me eat
The guilt won’t let me sleep
Don’t lie to me papa
Wasn’t he right to pluck the flower of my childhood?
Wasn’t I meant to please the desire of men?
Papa, I’m guilty of fighting him
Guilty of reporting him
Guilty of damaging his reputation
I’m eating my flesh away
Or did I get sick?
Papa life has no meaning
Don’t you have death on speed dial?
A day will come
when you’ll lose yourself
Trying to find me.
Just slit my veins, you’ll come spilling out
This crowd suffocates me
My identity sun-dried and preserved
Can’t wait to revel in solitude
For I need serious conversations with myself
A duel with my demons
And reprimands from my guardian angel
She’s been off duty too long
Loneliness eats my confidence
Bite after bite
I reminisce the fulfilling times
I had with me
The journey in my house
Traversing beyond boundaries
Under carpets swept
And cobwebs removed from
Dark corners of my mind
I remember the empty stages
Just me Marley and me
Now the veil is torn
Normalcy is boring stiff
And loneliness won’t let me be!