Tag Archives: depression

Scripted Anew

chained
Forget about pain and pleasure
Forget about right and wrong
I know no difference
I haven’t had both
It’s like destiny is one hell of a monstrous dictator
Who chains and tortures his subjects
Till they grow numb; to pain or pleasure or affection
I have been here too long
And though it can’t pass for a home
It is all I know
So I’ll write some more
About chains
Fastened on anchor and cast in the sea depths
About life in apathy and lungs lifting chests for that gulp of air
About deafness of friends
And blindness of family
About emptiness within
About lies I’ve told to prove I’m just alright
Today I’ll change the script
I’ll write my own
Riddled with bitter truths
For he who needs direction
Must tell of his true destination
I’m broken, Lord, fix me
I’m lost, please find me
I’m worthless, create me anew
I’m lonely, be a friend

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I’ve Found Home

profile pic
I’m not okay, but it’s all fine. I’m not okay but don’t tell me I’ll be fine.
I am broken, and I’m not asking you to mend me, just to help me find the part of me I lost. You’re the candle to illuminate my darkest hours.
Even a crooked stick can draw straight lines; it all depends on the hand that holds it.
Fireflies trek my mind no more, the poison within killed the antidote now my mind is a mouldy can of dead worms.
But this stench is all I know. This darkness is all I am.
You say depression is a creation of losers who’ll blame everything but themselves for their weaknesses.
You say depression a loser’s mind-set.
But you can’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.
Don’t tell me the cloud will be up for a while; you know nothing about missing the sun even when it shines.
Shoulders drooped in humiliation,
Tears streaked visage,
Backs bent with guilt,
Eyes frozen with fear,
You know nothing about the life I live
The battles I fight
The haunting past
A future I dread
You know nothing about the breathes that choke
So bask in the comfort of your privileges
And leave me alone
Yes, I said leave me alone
I’ve found home in this darkness

Deprived

I’m not ready, she said
You have to be, he replied
And that was final
She, left neck- deep into the mess
Chained to the ways of the land
The daughter of the lake
A man she has to take
Father’s choice
20 yrs was the age difference
She complained she had another
But gods had decided
And their will she had to obey
She had been fed enough
It was time she got disposed
An item of trade she was
And a herd of cattle was the price
Who cares:
If he loves her or not?
If her heart melts for another?
If he’ll treat her well or not?
If he had a functional engine or not?
She had to be married
To the man who’d lost sight
But still had insatiable appetite for tender flesh
The three-legged man whose backbone needed straightening
He smiles, he whispers seduction but all she thinks;
“Old man you need a mouthwash”
Who cares?
She’ll get used
A herd of cattle wasn’t a small price to pay

Mocking Walls

me-n-recho

The silent nights await the jangle of chains released
My mind is in a clobbered state
Nothing is ever right where it should be
Nothing of echoes of the past
Nor of whiffs of tomorrow
The prison I build myself has become home
My feet drag me back whenever I try to leave
And I have beaten myself for so long
Every beating now feels like a compliment

I see empty king size beds with jagged edges
Sheets moistened with traces of coldness
The warmth waning steadily like blood on leaching tongues
Partners revising the terms of their union
‘I love you’ now smoked and preserved
Awaits tears at the graveside

Memories still trickle in
Like incessant drips from a faulty tap
Robbing me of my peace of mind
Blames and self loathe diluting my vitality
She says she loved me
I left her stranded at the crossroads
With not a trail to follow
He says friendship changed meaning
Brotherhood got shattered
After series of unmet expectations
Neither brother nor the hood
Showed the same face twice

A sister says he needs her brother back
A mother weeps for a son lost
This path I now tread got thorns in it
But no one heard me cry in the night
I’m at war
But still frightened to free
The prisoner I made myself be