Dreams Mock Me
As a child I had dreams bigger than my sleep. My abilities had no stains of doubt and my hopes breathed from lungs of possibilities. Today my nightmares are bigger than my house and procrastination evicted my best friend ‘NOW” and my walls are painted with the blood of my slain dreams.
Dreams Scare Me
As a child I knew my life was thought out
I knew come what may, I’ll make it out somehow
Then came obstacles that I trudged on
They soiled my hopes
And my dreams began to shrink
Choppers became cars,
Which eventually turned to bikes
Before I got contented with the means of mobility,
I was birthed with; my feet
I began having sleepless nights
Fantasies visited every night
It came with a number of friends
Insomnia, inability and anxiety
How odd fantasies and inability
Could hold hands?
An indomitable trio
Sifting through my mind
Scavenging for bits of possibilities
Like hurricane they swept all my dreams
And deposited them in the damp of my pillow
And they whisper
Pretending to be friends
Procrastination joined them
He’s a good friend I thought
“You’ll do it when you get back on your feet”,
He told me.
He always had the best words when I needed things done
There was always a better time to do it
Now wasn’t part of his vocabulary
He erased it from my dictionary
All became in an hrs. time…
Now my son asks me
Hasn’t tomorrow arrived?
When is a better time?
Will you ever get back on your feet?
In the blanket of darkness
When all I see is this crazy mess
When my feet wobble at my weight
And my spine can’t hold me straight
When the stench of this pigsty
Swamps my pillow with self-pity
I think of the dreamer I used to be
The one who thought the world wasn’t complete without me
The one who conversed with destiny and sealed his own fate
The one whose feet walked on hot coal,
But still had eyes fixed on gold
The one who shredded impossibilities
And used the shreds to weave possibilities
The one now dead
I lost the sight
Of a future so bright
I lost the identity, No longer the me I knew
Seen by many understood by few
I lost the path
To knowing what am worth
Been told am useless
But they a’int maskless
Hiding the fires in their eyes
Tryna burst my highs
If I cant be them, I don’t exist
To be me they wont resist
They wanna be me
They’d love to me
But they are lost
Hating what they’d love most..
I am lost…They are lost
We need each other to find the way
It may sound rather stupid asking yourself such a question but as those who lived in this godforsaken planet said- don’t judge a man until you have walked for a whole month in his moccasins, please do not rush with your how-the-hell-does-it-concern-me attitude.
I am but a humble young man who is trying to make a honest living. I have people who I should be dependent on or atleast they think I should be dependent on them but I chose to toil, sink my fingers into the swampy world of writing to make something of my own. To be honest If nothing is going to change about my current working situation then I am sure I will never be rich or to be optimistic I guess I shall stop writing and seek formal employment. lot said already, my job situation is not the problem am facing now or atleast I have got used to it. My biggest problem is the belief that people have that I am living well, the moment a person hears that I am a writer and I earn online his whole perception of me changes. In his mind I become more than a friend, something sort of a donor, an ATM that they can rush to whenever they need cash! its quite absurd.
I have friends who do not believe I can lack money , they think I am a miser; I just save but I don’t spend. they think I live in the slums just because I like to portray myself as a hustler but the truth is I am just that – a broke fellow who lives from hands to mouth with hopes that soon things may go better and I will be able to pick my shattered dreams off the paths tread by losers.
I am not trying to say that no friend should call on me for help, I just want you to know that I am not doing any better, I am just like you! so when I tell you I don’t have enough to spare please believe me!