I’m not okay, but it’s all fine. I’m not okay but don’t tell me I’ll be fine.
I am broken, and I’m not asking you to mend me, just to help me find the part of me I lost. You’re the candle to illuminate my darkest hours.
Even a crooked stick can draw straight lines; it all depends on the hand that holds it.
Fireflies trek my mind no more, the poison within killed the antidote now my mind is a mouldy can of dead worms.
But this stench is all I know. This darkness is all I am.
You say depression is a creation of losers who’ll blame everything but themselves for their weaknesses.
You say depression a loser’s mind-set.
But you can’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his moccasins.
Don’t tell me the cloud will be up for a while; you know nothing about missing the sun even when it shines.
Shoulders drooped in humiliation,
Tears streaked visage,
Backs bent with guilt,
Eyes frozen with fear,
You know nothing about the life I live
The battles I fight
The haunting past
A future I dread
You know nothing about the breathes that choke
So bask in the comfort of your privileges
And leave me alone
Yes, I said leave me alone
I’ve found home in this darkness
Your life is like a bank account; if you deposit EXCUSES, you’ll withdraw REGRETS
They’ll mute whimpers and cover wounds again
that’s what we thrive at!
But, I will not tire from openly speaking my mind
I will not change
Tough times are here, tough times toughen me enough to stand still amidst the hailstones of insults and ridicule.
I won’t let myself forget;
That I’m still Ramogi
That I’m still Luo, still Nyang’
That Justice is a word I can still spell blindfolded
That in its absence justice is a scab that mightn’t heal
even with the healing potency of time
That history is a sadistic puppeteer
crippling today’s possibilities with past misgivings
And If I ever forget
I will find myself on my grandpa’s grave
an ornament in hand
I will chant Jaduong’s name countless times
I will praise his love, his strength of character
And he’ll perhaps teach me how to read my palms; the graveyard of our warriors, spiritualists, and seers
And I’ll count the bones broken by hands of time
lives lost for justice
And I’ll accept that Justice is a costly pursuit
We can never afford it
They’ll teach me how not to be led by stomach
My palms I’ll read again
Just to confirm my real name when they brand me anew
I won’t let myself forget that I’m still Ramogi
The place we used to hide in is no longer a secret, they have discovered it and known the secrets it kept. Our beautiful moments flew when adulterous wives brought their men in; the charcoal notes stood the test of time—to tell tales of our childhood indulgence.
A day will come
when you’ll lose yourself
Trying to find me.
Just slit my veins, you’ll come spilling out
This crowd suffocates me
My identity sun-dried and preserved
Can’t wait to revel in solitude
For I need serious conversations with myself
A duel with my demons
And reprimands from my guardian angel
She’s been off duty too long
Loneliness eats my confidence
Bite after bite
I reminisce the fulfilling times
I had with me
The journey in my house
Traversing beyond boundaries
Under carpets swept
And cobwebs removed from
Dark corners of my mind
I remember the empty stages
Just me Marley and me
Now the veil is torn
Normalcy is boring stiff
And loneliness won’t let me be!
If you’re to leave
Take my heart
Engrave your name on it
And feed it to Ravens
There’s no you without me
She just wanted to live
A beautiful soul with nothing but love
Women strip for fame
But all she wanted was bread
A baby starved in a tin-roofed house
Friends and family weren’t close
As word went round
That gods sent their fire to destroy her
“Who stands in the way of gods?”
“Aren’t they the ones who give leprosy
To those who’ve sinned?”
Life goes on
She wonders what she owes the world
Isn’t it the same world that molested her?
That night darkness loomed
Creatures of the night feasted
On her innocence
And blood flowed
Taking in its wake
Weren’t they the same people who preached love?
Why do they serve hate?
Now she has to raise a child on her own
And still apologize to him for not knowing his father
This baby cries a lot
Where can she get bread?
The crowd cheers on
Laughter deluge my cries
And none saw
The silence, the tension
The dying embers
The shredding of life
I walked home dead
Suicide note wasn’t found
Dem hypocrites cried
Distant relatives became close
To mock me
Wasn’t it stupid?
Couldn’t he talk?
When nobody heard when I called
Nobody pulled my hand
As currents swept me under