Tag Archives: suicide thoughts

Finding Myself

Open the curtains let the light in
Illuminate the dark corners
Let me find myself
Night stripped me of my identity
My soul hovers
The closets have constricted

There’s a pain in my eyes
Objects swirl before me
Threatening to plunge
Deep, deep, deeper
Into the void within

Emptiness is filled
With suicidal catalysts

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Slivers of Darkness

I’m done writing this note
I’m done being here,
Where critical eyes never sleep
But reason is blind

I have been here too long
Memories still pierce my heart
With every sliver of its being
My past hates itself in the mirror
So it fixed my inequities on darts board
And used my heart as a bulls eye
A target for all ill will begets

I knew no one cared
I knew they marveled
In my distress
I knew they cowered in fear
When my victories seemed near

Tell them they won
Tell them I couldn’t fight them
Because I spent my life
Fighting the guilt they
Bestowed upon me
A weight for weary being

Remind them of the dark days
The blind mornings
When unfathomable darkness
Sojourned in my soul
And made it home

Tell them of the swollen eyes
And damp pillows
Remind them;
Of the crimson kitchen floor
Of Blood stained razors
Of ripped wrists
Of sore eyes
And crow’s-feet beneath them

Did they know how it felt?
To search for belonging in this weary world
Remind them when ‘different’ changed meaning
Different meant inferior,
Not enough,
Looser,
Cunt,
Suspect,
And synonyms

How costly belonging is?
Even smoking weed
Couldn’t afford it
Even buying them drinks
Couldn’t afford it
They were friends until I had them drunk
Then they’ll insult me
For buying them too much!

What of the answers I sought?
I can’t wait for the answers
It’s time to go
Don’t let them read my obituary
I wrote the last edition of my suicide note
Let them read it instead!

Suicidal Thoughts

In grave silence, unfathomable darkness

Nature’s listening to her racing heartbeat

Jagged rocks, hungry earth, demonic presence

Pregnant belly, lost husband, DEAD BEAT?

Suddenly the winds begin to whisper

Bats flapping wings, circling about in mockery

Her priceless soul, the grave be the highest bidder

Betrayal, she weeps, if you call this love its worse than robbery

Was she to blame, when all she did was to love

When she gave all she had until a piece of her heart she had none?

She gave the whole of herself to him the very day he poked her orifice

And now a corollary to that love is a sacrifice

She’s already prepared the noose

The embrace of death might soothe

#Gone too Soon#