Getting to Know Achieng’

How well do you know Achiengs?

 

Achiengs are firstborns, even when they’re not. Achieng will be the sibling helping you to find your socks in the morning when other siblings have left for school.

 

She’ll be the one taking care of her sick mother; running around soliciting funds, back at home changing adult diapers and fixing catheters, and making meals and catching the bus to the hospital at visiting hours. It doesn’t matter if she has ten siblings, she’ll always take care of her parents as if she’s the only child.

 

They have a heart of gold.

 

She’ll be the sibling in whose house you can crash for unforeseen number of days when you lose your life’s bearing.

 

My sister June Nyawade is a testament to this, I can’t even count the number of times she shared her pocket money with me because our father never gave us, boys any money while in school. And when it was time for me to have my own crib, she’s the one who gave me the means. She was still a student!

 

But Achieng is a no-nonsense woman. She can be militant if you want her to be.

 

She’ll be the one knocking the neighbor’s door off the hinges because she’s heard a child is in distress, or a woman is getting a beating. She can risk her life for a complete stranger.

 

Achiengs are activists by nature. That’s why they name themselves like freedom fighters; Achieng Otieno, Achieng Omondi, Achieng Odindo. You’ll read her name twice just trying to figure the kind of mayhem she is.

 

Achieng is an incredibly strong woman, both physically and mentally. She can be there for you when you least expect. If you need money from Achieng but she doesn’t have, she’ll make calls to her aunt in Oyugis, Asembo, or her boyfriend in USIU, and you’ll get the cash.

 

When Achieng loves, she loves with everything. If Achieng loves you, you won’t even need a house to hit her genitals. In the village, Achieng can even hold an anthill for you; you hit the thang from the back and life goes on.

 

And they love this sex thing. And they don’t hide it. What she wants she wants, and you can’t use her love for a good dick to manipulate her!

 

Your beloved Vagina Mouthpiece is Achieng Omondi. Had to be an Achieng!

 

Also, a husband can’t scare her. If you’re married to Achieng, and then you begin playing games, you’ll be chased from your house with your clothes in a Nigerian bag.

 

Lastly, Achiengs are not lacking in beauty. In a pool of 10 Achiengs, 7 of them will be beautiful. Look at my homie here, Emma Nyar Asembo, isn’t she beautiful?

Do your balls play?

Morning, we slept well. The balls are playing hide and seek now. It’s a funny game in a limited field. Here’s how they do it. One ball moves up the mound of flesh up the pubis, and the other has to leave the sac to find it. 😂

You should hear the giggles they make when they collide with each other.

Hilarious.

How Mandela Taught me about women

When Nelson Mandéla told me he was more scared of mosquito bites than Akoth’s parents, I knew I’d sweat that night. It was 9 in the night, and I thought it was too early to fish the girl out without being hit by a bible.

Damn!

I was scared of that shit. It spelled death. Nobody we knew had endured the wrath of 66 books and lived. I was scared.

Rumors had it that the guy who had tried to fish Akoth’s elder sister had been struck by lightning just a few days after the Pastor hit him with the bible. It was a suicide attempt getting those girls.

I was scared but we had Mandela, the antidote to every huddle we had getting ’em girls. Mandela had curious genitals, so he began sexing ’em girls while still in lower primary. By class 7 he was sexing the teachers. A bad bad guy that one.

With Mandela on your side, you were sure to get laid. You had to be ready. If you could meet Mandela, then you’d know how sincere men are when they tell you they tripped and fell in a vagina. Mandela had the charm that swept girls off their feet, swirling them in the air and gently resting them on your genitals.

It was magic.

You never saw it coming. So we’re on our way to get this girl when out of nowhere somebody passing by on a motorbike calls him.

The guy is giving him details on how Belinda and her sister have come back the very evening. I didn’t even know Belinda, nor her sister, but I could hear the yearning in his voice when he interviewed the dude.

So when he said we head to Belinda’s place, I knew things were getting thicker. Maan, it’s only with Mandela’s connection that you can introduce yourself to a chic you’ve never known and 20 minutes later you’re banging pon the sofa. Nelson Mandéla, may God bless you.

And Yo, I’m the first person who evaded the bible and lived to tell the tale.

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Whenever I read my posts I find out how fucked up my life is. That’s basic. Sometimes I get superb revelations. Today, I’ve realized that I write everything in Dholuo. It might dress and walk and talk like English, but it is Dholuo.

What changed?

Somedays, you wake up with bile in your mouth. You feel your tongue doesn’t fit within the confines of your teeth. Or it’s rough. You smell your breath, and it’s nasty AF. Then you remember the old you, that little kid who believed in so much. Yeah, the boy is now a man.

What changed?

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As a poet, your work is to write about love–not to find it.
You dig?

Loving Right

You are a girl who’ll be remembered for soft things;
Velvety touch,
moist lips,
Tender heart
And most importantly;
Loving the wrong man right

Truth

If they shun you for speaking the Truth, don’t fret; truth isn’t palatable, don’t expect them to stomach it.

Shh!

Birds Will Chirp
Frogs Will Crock
But my heart will never digress from

 loving you

Childhood Indulgence

The place we used to hide in is no longer a secret, they have discovered it and known the secrets it kept. Our beautiful moments flew when adulterous wives brought their men in; the charcoal notes stood the test of time—to tell tales of our childhood indulgence.