Getting to Know Achieng’

How well do you know Achiengs?

 

Achiengs are firstborns, even when they’re not. Achieng will be the sibling helping you to find your socks in the morning when other siblings have left for school.

 

She’ll be the one taking care of her sick mother; running around soliciting funds, back at home changing adult diapers and fixing catheters, and making meals and catching the bus to the hospital at visiting hours. It doesn’t matter if she has ten siblings, she’ll always take care of her parents as if she’s the only child.

 

They have a heart of gold.

 

She’ll be the sibling in whose house you can crash for unforeseen number of days when you lose your life’s bearing.

 

My sister June Nyawade is a testament to this, I can’t even count the number of times she shared her pocket money with me because our father never gave us, boys any money while in school. And when it was time for me to have my own crib, she’s the one who gave me the means. She was still a student!

 

But Achieng is a no-nonsense woman. She can be militant if you want her to be.

 

She’ll be the one knocking the neighbor’s door off the hinges because she’s heard a child is in distress, or a woman is getting a beating. She can risk her life for a complete stranger.

 

Achiengs are activists by nature. That’s why they name themselves like freedom fighters; Achieng Otieno, Achieng Omondi, Achieng Odindo. You’ll read her name twice just trying to figure the kind of mayhem she is.

 

Achieng is an incredibly strong woman, both physically and mentally. She can be there for you when you least expect. If you need money from Achieng but she doesn’t have, she’ll make calls to her aunt in Oyugis, Asembo, or her boyfriend in USIU, and you’ll get the cash.

 

When Achieng loves, she loves with everything. If Achieng loves you, you won’t even need a house to hit her genitals. In the village, Achieng can even hold an anthill for you; you hit the thang from the back and life goes on.

 

And they love this sex thing. And they don’t hide it. What she wants she wants, and you can’t use her love for a good dick to manipulate her!

 

Your beloved Vagina Mouthpiece is Achieng Omondi. Had to be an Achieng!

 

Also, a husband can’t scare her. If you’re married to Achieng, and then you begin playing games, you’ll be chased from your house with your clothes in a Nigerian bag.

 

Lastly, Achiengs are not lacking in beauty. In a pool of 10 Achiengs, 7 of them will be beautiful. Look at my homie here, Emma Nyar Asembo, isn’t she beautiful?

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I woke up with thoughts of loss, but my balls are gaining weight. Yin must Yang.

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If corona takes another month,
many employees shall be their own bosses.
That’s growth.

 

Have you found a new skill that might help you abolish your 8-5 job?

Please share!

Don’t Be Hesitant, Light one up!

We represent the herbs on the podium

The Indicas are short like Napolean

Sativas don’t like too much sodium

The seeds can replace your petroleum

The leaves have a skunky aroma scent

THC makes you feel like it’s heaven-sent

CBD is to me like a medicine

Do some research and you’ll be pleased by the evidence

Perhaps you cultivate some trees in your residence

And agree to disagree with the Presidents

Tell the Prime Ministers please don’t be hesitant

To let the herbs grow and be free!

-Damian Marley, Marijuana.

Put a ring on it

I heard it’s an honorable thing to put a ring on it before you shove a D in it. But as for me and my balls, we have to be sure that these rivers are navigable before the sail leaves the banks.

It’s a strange world,
Be one step ahead of Karma.

Why I Write ABout my balls

I overheard my neighbour asking Jesus to come now. People are here trying to kill the son of God twice.

I don’t talk about ’em balls to get girls, neither do I talk about them to entice women. I talk about balls because I own them.

I’ve held them in my palms, quizzed them, and gauged their pulse rate. We’ve held in-depth convos, disagreed, and made a truce.

I love them because they’re selfless. They never ask me why they never go in when the girls they seduced without intent show up. They are okay about staying outside. Even when they serve ’em proteins, they don’t ask to show a face.

They’re not like your MP who prints her face on Sanitary towels. Trust me, they don’t need cheap publicity.
They’re not like your woman who spreads her legs for you but severe your reputation in post-coital evaluation.

They’re not like your best friend who’ll spread your name after bailing you out.
And they’re not like your BFF who never shows up when you need them to.

Balls are philanthropists in small sacs. They give and give but never ask for much.
You talk about your Mercedes, or V8, or Subaru, or your wife. Let me talk about the marbles.
They have survived me.

Tears

Don’t be worried when I shed tears. Be worried when I stop.
When I shed tears, it means I’m dealing with it like a man should. when I stop it means my system is broken, it can shut down any minute.
#MindMyMind #M3Movement #MentalHealthKE #MHAW2017 #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek2017

Childhood Indulgence

The place we used to hide in is no longer a secret, they have discovered it and known the secrets it kept. Our beautiful moments flew when adulterous wives brought their men in; the charcoal notes stood the test of time—to tell tales of our childhood indulgence.

Random Thought

My son, in this life compete with fellow men, don’t ever try to compete with a woman with a pretty face and a big ass, for in the labyrinth of her mons are shortcuts to the finish line

Save Me

I scratched my Agak’s apple
My voice box got torn
Still, the bandages won’t hold water
Just crimson seeds of self-hate
So I cry,
Somebody save me
From the brutal I